Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I lived...

Well, I had the reunion this past weekend. Let me start with the clothes. That adorable outfit with the peacock feathers came just in time and the picture is a little misleading. The colors were extremely bright and clashing. Needless to say I didn't wear it and it is being sent back. I ended up going in "80's attire". Next time, I'm just going to wear what I feel confident in.

Friday night was the best night, of course that could be because I drank more that night. :) Many of the people that I wanted to see didn't show up. There were a few of my friends back from the day that did show up so I was extremely happy about that. The girls, some of them had gained a little bit of weight but they still looked fabulous. A number of the men improved with age. KJ, for one. He has aged very well. It's too bad he couldn't show up Saturday night too. Around 9:30 or so I decided to go outside because it was flipping hot inside the clubhouse and everyone was going to be heading to one of the local stomping grounds in a few minutes. I went outside and was quite surprised when J was standing there. We went and sat down and talked for a few. Everyone was leaving to head to the local bar and my ride (I was not in any shape to drive) asked me if I was going with him. I told him I would find a ride. J said he would drive me up there. J drove me up to the bar and we sat in the parking lot for a few minutes talking about old memories and yes, we kissed. One of those kisses that makes you weak in the knees...that perfect kiss, no fumbling around, the perfect in sync kiss. *sigh He told me had to go pick up his son so he couldn't stay. I kissed him goodbye and headed inside.

Drinks were flowing, lots of laughing, catching up with old friends and one of my bestest, bestest friends throughout high school came in. I haven't seen her in probably 18 years or so. She looked fabulous. We talked for a few, promised to keep in touch and then I was headed back to the hotel. J was coming back.

I had a wonderful time with J that night, what little time we spent together. As much as I would love to have something with him, I don't believe that is in the cards. I still don't think I'm his "type". I think for the evening, I filled a void for him...cured the lonliness for just a bit. I haven't called him since that night and he hasn't called me. I figured I would call him this weekend see if he wants to shoot some pool or something with some friends and I. I don't want to lose touch with him again. We will see, though. I have learned that having high hopes for anything usually ends in disappointment.

Saturday night was not nearly as fun as Friday night. I still attribute some of that to my lack of drinking on Saturday night. Another reason is that it was so hot and humid, it was miserable. The clubhouse at the resort we were at was stifling and even the porch out to the water was just as bad. I would just be standing there and I could feel sweat running down my back. ICK!!
One of my former classmates is a stripper down in Key West and her boyfriend is the spitting image of George Clooney. Oh yes, not a close resemblance but I'm talking pretty much his twin when he has that rugged look about him. After the clubhouse closed, my friends S and T wanted to go the closest country bar. I warned them that on Saturdays, it is mostly 18 year olds. Yes, they let them in! We drove 30 minutes, paid our $12, used the restroom and walked out. It was wall to wall 18 year olds, ughhh. We ended up meeting up with an old friend of T's and his girlfriend at a Tiki bar. The tiki bar wasn't bad. We played some darts and pool. We tried getting the girlfriend to play but she had the personality of a rock. She wouldn't talk to us, she wouldn't play darts, she wouldn't play pool, she just stood there like a statue. T's friend was outgoing and fun and I just didn't see the connection between the two. It was such an odd couple.

We ended the night about 3a. I had pretty much enough and was exhausted. There was a buffet on Sunday to bid farewell to everyone but I decided to skip it. As fun as it was to see everyone and catch up on the last 20 years, all my old high school insecurities came back in full force.
They are already talking about either a yearly cruise or the next reunion in 5 years. I will be thin for it, if it kills me!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Time to live is now...

I'm getting excited and anxious about my reunion, only a couple more days. Damn, I wish I was thinner but, oh well I still look good. The funny thing about the reunion is that it seems everyone that is going has started looking up our old classmates and we are connecting via the Internet. Last night, I found J. I had a crush on him in high school. He was a couple of years older than me. I emailed him and asked if he remembered me. He did so we started emailing back and forth. Today, we spent nearly 3 hours on the phone. J was the first boy I "experimented with" and apparently after our conversation today I was his first to experiment with him. LOL No wonder he remembers me. We don't remember why we stopped talking but I do know that I wasn't his type in school, I mean after all I was overweight then too. We talked about his family. His older brother was killed 7 years ago in a robbery. His brother was working on a man's roof and 3 black men came and robbed the guy. J2 (the brother) hit him one of them on the head and they turned around and shot him. J2 was a great guy, it's very sad. Then he told me that one of our friends that we used to hang out with died last year of leukemia.

As anxious I am for the reunion, I don't want to hear any more bad stories about the ones that didn't show up because something bad happened to them. I know it's a fact of life and the process of getting older, but it sucks.

So here's living for today! You never know when tomorrow may not be here. As a side note, J and I will be getting together after the reunion for a drink or two. You never know, maybe we can rekindle something that happened 20+ years ago.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

The First Week WI Results Are In..

Yes, I have been peeking the second half of the week that I have had access to my scale, sue me :). I have been following the program 95% of the time throughout the week and decided on Friday I could have a real meal and went to Longhorn Steakhouse. Remind me not to do that again. It's not that going to Longhorn was a bad thing. The bad thing was that I ate more than I had all week combined and I felt awful afterwards. I mean, I wanted to vomit. I have never "binged" like this before, at least it felt like binging after a week of baby food jar size servings. Even though, I had my one meal that tasted absolutely delicious going down, I still lost 5.6 pounds the first week. YAY me!
I also found a lunch yesterday in NutriSystem that I absolutely love. It is the fudge graham bar. It tastes like a Whatchamacallit. YUMMY!!!!


...and to other topics. Next weekend is my 20 year high school reunion. Yikes! I wanted to be thin for it. Hmm, I don't think that is happening. I was a big girl in high school, so at least there won't be a surprise when they see me. I went shopping yesterday and found absolutely nothing. I had ordered a couple of things I found online and pray that it gets here in time. So everyone cross their fingers that it gets here in time, that its not sized small and that it looks great on!!!! That picture to the right is for the first night. It is a weekend reunion that is fairly casual. Friday night is 80s night (or it is encouraged anyway), Saturday is Hawaiian Luau (picture on left) and Sunday is a farewell brunch.


So everyone send their looking thin vibes my way :)


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Acai

Today, my entry is about the acai berry, pronounced a-sigh-ee. Acai has been used for many generations by the natives of Brazil. Acai boasts 10 times the antioxidant benefits of grapes and twice that of blueberries and is now being advertised everywhere about its health benefits. BEWARE: DO NOT FALL FOR THESE FREE TRIAL OFFERS!!!!! THEY ARE SCAMS. If you want to try it go to your local health food store. That is my public service announcement for today :). Ok, back to my speel about the acai. I have personal friends that swear by it. I haven't used it long enough to know whether or not if it truly helps but I will say that since I have been taking it (about a week) I haven't been as hungry and I'm eating 1000-1300 calories a day but it's too soon to tell. Here's what they say about it (whoever they is):

What are the 59 Health Benefits that Made Acai Berry So Famous?


Prolongs Your Life
Increases Your Energy
Increases Your Overall Strength
Helps you Look and Feel Younger
Helps You Maintain Healthy Blood Pressure
Prevents Cancer
Helps You Maintain Healthy Cholesterol Levels
Promotes Normal Blood Sugar
Enhances Sexual Function
Helps You Lose Weight
Relieves Headaches and Dizziness
Improves Quality of Sleep
Improves Your Vision
Strengthens Your Heart
Inhibits Lipid Peroxidation
Improves Disease Resistance
Strengthens Your Immune System
Helps Your Body Fight Cancer
Protects Your Precious DNA
Inhibits Tumor Growth
Reduces the Toxic Effects of Chemotherapy and Radiation
Helps to Build Strong Blood
Helps with Chronic Dry Cough
Fights Inflammation and Arthritis
Improves Lymphocyte Count
Improves Menopausal Symptoms
Prevents Morning Sickness
Improves Fertility
Strengthens Your Muscles and Bones
Supports Normal Kidney Function
Improves Your Memory
Supports Healthy Liver Function
Alleviates Anxiety and Stress
Improves Your Mood
Improves Your Digestion
Helps You Maintain Healthy Gums
Fights Fibromyalgia
Prevents Allergies
Protects Children’s Health
Promotes Overall Wellness
Increases workout recovery
Increases injury recovery
Helps to Reduce Physical Injuries
Relieves Arthritis Pain
Helps to Clear Skin of Warts
Reduces the Occurrence of Seizures
Helps Improve & Even Cure Leukemia
Fights General Depression
Supports Weight Loss through Fat Loss
Helps Slow Down the Aging Process
Provides all Vital Vitamins
Contains Several Important Minerals
Is an extremely Powerful Free Radical Fighter
Acai has very High Levels of Fibers
Cleanses and Detoxifies the Body of Infectious Toxins
Helps to Prevent Heart Problems
Improves Mental Clarity/Focus
Improves Circulation
Cures Osteoporosis


Now, here is what WebMed says about it:

Can acai berries boost weight loss?

Scientists are learning more about the functional power of superfoods, such as the acai berry. Although acai is touted in some weight loss products, few studies have tested the benefit of acai in promoting weight loss.

For now, plenty of research supports eating a diet rich in antioxidants. There’s no doubt that berries and other fruits are a key part of any healthy diet promoting weight loss. The jury’s still out on whether there is something special about acai’s ability to shed excess pounds.

Why are acai berries used in beauty products?

Some cosmetics and beauty products contain acai oil in the ingredient list. That’s because acai oil is a powerhouse of antioxidants. Studies show that acai oil may be a safe alternative to other tropical oils used in beauty products such as facial and body creams, anti-aging skin therapies, shampoos and conditioners, and other products. When acai oil is processed and stored long-term, the antioxidant levels remain high.

Do acai berries and acai juice have any side effects?
If you have pollen allergies or have a known hypersensitivity to acai or similar berries, you may want to avoid this fruit. When eaten in moderate amounts, though, acai is likely safe.

Here is another link with information on the acai http://www.acai-health.com/info.php.



Tuesday, July 14, 2009

NutriSystem and Why....

Well, I had my 3rd day on NutriSystem and let's just say it wasn't a good day. Not because of my willpower but because the food I had today wasn't fit for a dog. My lunch was Parmesan Pasta with Brocolli, absolutely horrible. *Vomit. I had to throw it out, so I ate my mixed veggies for lunch. I passed on the cookies being passed around the table. Yay me! For dinner, I was having chicken with rice, vegetables and almonds. Sound good? Um, no. I think my dog would have turned his nose up at it! So now I know there are two foods that are off the shopping list. I ended up having to find something at my mom's house to eat so I had an egg sandwich with my broccoli.

So far the good/decent foods have been: blueberry muffins, meatloaf with mashed potatoes, thick crust pizza, cheesy potatoes, chocolate chocolate chip pudding, fudge brownie, white chocolate macadamia nut cookie, rice with beans and sausage.

Many wonder why I have decided to go with NutriSystem instead of just buying Lean Cuisines or something at the store and doing it my own for possibly less money and possibly better tasting food. I'm going to tell you why...

I did NutriSystem many years ago and had success with it, prior to them having as many choices as they have now. I had lost 40lbs with it fairly easy. Of course, I didn't keep it off. Here's my thinking though. I have to dish out $300 a month for the food. That's a lot of money up front for food. I'm one of those that if I don't feel like eating what I have for lunch/dinner, I will get something else normally. Paying $300 a month for food, doesn't allow me that choice. I don't have to think about the food so much anymore. I just fill out the number of each that I want for breakfasts, lunches and dinners and I'm done. Granted, I still need to go to the store and buy a few things like veggies, fruits, the occasional roll, milk on occasion but you get the point. I don't plan on doing this forever because I know me well enough to know that I can't. I want to eat healthier and eating processed food despite how many vitamins you fill it with doesn't necessarily make it healthier. I just need the kickstart. Time will tell...

Monday, July 13, 2009

Good morning!

Wow, three days in a row of posting. I'm ok after the initial shock of the ex. Actually, he had been sick for awhile so I shouldn't have been shocked but ..hell, I can't explain it. The feelings I had were odd too...I wasn't devastated, I was a little sad. I don't know if it was for me or if it was for him. It had been years since we talked because he thought I was dog shit because I left him (I had good reason). I don't know if the feelings of mourning I have are because it is that "emotional" week or because I did at one time love the man. It's all very confusing to me. I wish him and I would have had that chance to just talk about what went wrong but he never gave me that chance. I like to close chapters. That book was slammed shut years ago instead of gently closed. Anyway enough of that...

My first day on NutriSystem was a success...yay! I haven't had a successful day at much of anything lately so this is HUGE! Of course, I spend the first few days of the week at my folks' house to save on driving time to my job and pack up my food and guess what?! I forgot my flipping breakfasts! I am improvising though by bagging up some kashi dry cereal.

I will post my weight next week after I see how I do for the week. I am going to be blogging again if it kills me. It helps keep me on track and I miss you ladies.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

It's a Sad Day

Once upon a time I was married, a long long time ago. Despite the many problems we had he had a good heart just a good heart with many issues. I'm not going to go into them because it just really isn't important. I spoke to his mother a few years ago (which I had never met) and she told me what he had told her about why we had split and of course, he had lied to her but he lied about everything. She told me that he was really sick and needed a liver transplant and he was being an asshole and wouldn't get one. I was online tonight searching for a couple of old friends and decided to look for him because I do occasionally think about him. He died in January, he was 41. Despite, all the crap he put me through, despite everything, I am saddened by it. If we were still married, I would be a widow right now and that is just very depressing.

Luckily, we had no children and he never had any children so there aren't any children out there missing their father. May he rest in peace.