Tuesday, January 15, 2008


Well, I didn't go to the gym last night. Nope. My car turned left when it should have gone straight. I am going to have to talk to that car! Bad car! However, I did go for a walk for probably about an hour. It wasn't a quick walk, but just a casual stroll but it was movement.

Work has me stressed. I am being pulled into 500 different directions, it seems. I have to go out of town in a week to a place I really, really don't want to go to for a week. It is so hard to travel and eat right but I am going to try! I am having man difficulties. For those of you that are married, stay that way. Dating sucks! This particular man has a lot of issues of his own he is trying to iron out but we have been seeing each other for awhile and the progress is going extremely sloooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Now, I don't want to get married tomorrow but it would be nice if there was a bit more intimacy, if you get my drift. The problem, or problems I should say are his exes cheated on him and I think they did a number on his self confidence. He tells me that sex complicates things and someone ends up being hurt. When he said that, I just automatically assumed he was talking about me being hurt (because that's how it usually is). Then this morning, he is browsing Amazon for books and for whatever reason he is in the sexual area and the one book was about the secrets to sensual lovemaking. Then he says to me...the secret is - don't bother, you'll never make her happy anyway. Then it dawned on me, it's not me. It's him. He says he was kidding but I have to think that there must be some truth that he actually feels that way.

I have my own self confidence issues and it's because of my weight. Whenever, I have dated someone in the past and there seems to be a problem. I have always assumed it was me because of my own image issues. So this "relationship" that I have with him does stress me out a little because I need that reassurance from him that we are going in the right direction. I am trying (somewhat succeeding) at taking it day by day and just enjoying each day that I have with him and what will be, will be. I am trying super hard to not think about my sex drive (LOL) and I think this day by day thinking (still working on it) helps with the lifestyle changes I am trying to incorporate into my life.

Has anyone else thought that the reasons why things go wrong in their life is because of their weight? Or am I just the only weird one?


Heather said...

aww Im sorry you are having difficulties with this guy. but you are right whne you said that it is HIM and not you. he has issues of his own that he needs to work through. and if its really a problem, then you need to find out what will make you happy and if he doesnt, then you should go find someone who does. Im sure hes a great guy and obviously I dont know him, but I do know that you deserve to be happy and have someone make you feel wonderful.

I often blamed my weight as reasons why things went wrong. its hard to look past that, but when you can, its kind of shocking to see that the world doesnt revolve around your weight and people dont notice it as much as WE do.

Michelle said...

I think I gave up dating five times in my blog this past year. :) Guys really complicate life...

Wishing you the best!

Lora said...

First - the guy thing. Run from him! Things don't get better once you're married. Any little idiosyncracy before you say "I do" gets magnified afterwards. The right guy is out there. You will find each other! (Being a Christian my advice would be to pray about it!)

Now for your question - weight can have an impact on our lives in the form of not fitting into seats that are too small, having a hard time finding clothes that look good, or being passed over for jobs...but the real probalem lies within ourselves. Somehow we think that we aren't as valuable or worthy as our skinny sisters. But that's not true! Underneath is what counts. Love yourself and take pride in who you are! That way - when the weight comes off - you won't be dealing with your self esteem still.

You can do this - I'll be praying for you - especially about your guy friend. He needs some help!