Monday, February 25, 2008

I know I said...

I know I said I wasn't happy about the weight gain since last week's weight gain. I can still say that I am not happy about it but I haven't given up. This is what has changed since the last time I tried to live a healthier lifestyle. I would get frustrated after a setback and give up. This time, it has just made me more determined. I know from past experiences I can't eat my flex points and I made that mistake last week. Now, I know what I need to do...pretend they don't exist. Now, if I get activity points, I may dip into them 1 or 2 a day but that will be the extent. I know this week is going to be rough for me time wise so I did go to the gym today...yay me (15 minutes bike for 3.3 miles, 20 minutes weight lifting on legs and another 10 min on treadmill with a small incline). It was only 45 minutes this time but it beats a kick in the butt. I figure Tuesday and Wednesday are going to be really late nights at work so I will plan for Thursday and Friday at the gym.

I'm sorry I haven't gotten to everyone's blog lately but I will catch up soon.

Thanks for the support.

Not Happy

Well, the title pretty much says it all. I am not happy this morning. Today, is my weigh in and I gained 4 lbs. So everytime I have said I can't eat my flex points or "bank", I have been right. I ate them last week. I also never got to the gym because of the hours I was working so I am not happy! This week is going to be another long week but somehow I am going to have to find a way to get to the gym because 4 lb gain in one week is just not acceptable!

I hope the Scale Gods were better to everyone else.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Thursday post done Wednesday night

Well, I won't be able to post tomorrow because I will be conducting a training class all day, or should I say babysitting a training class all day. It was an extremely long day today.

I go into work at 7a which means me getting up at 5a to get ready and drive an hour to work. I normally get off at 4p. Today, was different. I had to leave the office to go to this hotel to set up computers and printers for the 23 people tomorrow. I get there and the room is filthy, they hadn't cleaned it yet. *sigh. OK, they will get to it. The tables are set up classroom style which is not condusive to the training because as a babysitter I have to walk around the room and help those that are struggling. If it is in classroom style then I am blocking someone's view behind the person I am helping. Needless to say, 2 hours later several people on the staff have come to help and try to figure out how we can get 23 people in this tiny room. They have called the manager and he is coming back into the "office". By the time he gets there, we have gotten the room to where it is workable. At least those employees were extremely helpful and very apologetic. The manager comes in and he was fine; however, I don't really care at this point. I have just wasted two hours of my evening trying to arrange a room to make it work. He comes in and starts arguing with me that the room can easily hold 23 people in a U-shape. He says to put 3 people at a table. I told him you can't fit 3 chairs under the table, so basically he wanted the people to be sitting on top of each other for an 8 hour training class. After several minutes of telling him that I didn't want to argue with him, that everything was fine now and to please leave me alone so I can set this stuff up, he starts telling me his sob story about how he came back in from home to make sure everything was ok. Well, lucky for him he has been home. I was losing my patience with him and kind of waved him off. Extremely rude but at that point, I just had it. The next two hours was spent setting up the computers and the printers and he was being nicer so I had to be nice back. Damn it! LOL.

The fact of the matter is I think I was just pissed off because of all the time I wasted there I wasn't going to be able to get to the gym. I didn't get home until 8:30 tonight and hadn't even eaten dinner. Tomorrow is going to be another long day so I don't think I will be able to get to the gym tomorrow either and it's really making me cranky *sigh.

K, I am done venting now :).


My drive to work in the morning is a long one so it gives me time to think and I wasn't sure what I would write about today. I thought about how much I revealed in yesterday's post and kind of regretted it. Oops, too late now. I have a habit of that...I tend to say things without really thinking about it but usually it is me inserting my size 12s in my mouth :). I didn't have anything to talk about today, then on the radio came a news report about people injecting parasites to lose weight and how this is not a good idea. These "worms" grow up to 18 ft in length and will kill you.

So when I got to work I started searching on the Internet for ascaris. I couldn't find the exact news story but what I did find was absolutely disgusting!

Here is the article I found:

Sanitized tapeworm: Urban myth, or weight-loss wonder?

Posted: Oct 16th 2007 9:39AM by Martha EdwardsFiled under: Diet and Weight Loss

Here's an appalling example of how far people are willing to go for weight-loss: The sanitized tapeworm as a weight-loss tool.

You know how you used to quip that your cousin must have a tapeworm because they ate so much and yet never gained an ounce? Well, someone decided to capitalize on that, and started offering a baby tapeworm to people to swallow -- then tapeworm then eats your food. This first became a fad in the 1800s and luckily hasn't come back with much attention (that I can see) but there are people out there willing to try it!

Here's the problem with the tapeworm diet -- a tapeworm is a harmful medical condition. Doing so would be like injecting yourself with a severe stomach virus in order to lose 10 pounds in a couple of days. Tapeworms don't just eat your food -- they eat your nutrients, making you malnourished ... and with a grotesque, fluid-filled belly! I'm sorry to say but there's just no way to lose weight and maintain your weight loss without cutting out or really reducing your intake of junk food. So the sooner you accept that weight loss is hard work, the sooner you'll shed the pounds.

Of course, as my fingers did the walking I read more than I ever wanted to know about parasites in our bodies. YUCK! Anyone done any kind of detox cleanse and didn't feel like they were going to die in the process?

For now, I think I will stick with eating healthy and exercising and I can tell you has curbed my morning appetite :).

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Soul Searching

Everyone talks about finding their triggers, what prompted us to binge, overeat, insert your favorite term here, etc.). I have done a lot of soul searching and haven't really come up with much. I have been overweight all my life so I can't think of any traumatic experience in my life (although there have been several) that would have prompted me to comfort myself with food. I can go back to pictures of when I was 3 and I was a little butterball. Heck, I weighed 12lbs 8 oz when I was born, so what went wrong? My father was a very large man so I do believe genetics play a part in it and I have an extremely underactive thyroid (that I am horrible about taking my meds) so that probably plays a part in it but I can't blame DNA for all of it. I do remember as a 3rd grader I ate crap. I drank soda, ate the twinkies, the cookies, potato chips, etc. All the kids in this small town used to gather at one particular house. A reporter came by one day and took our picture for the local newspaper. In the picture, I was in the middle (the one with the fat rolls) holding a two liter bottle of soda.

We only lived in that town one school year before we moved to Florida. During that time in the town, I was molested 3x, once by an adult. I don't attribute this to my weight issues seeing as I had them long before this happened. I haven't really thought about "that" and I never told anyone until a couple of years ago and that was to my mother. If I would have ever told my father, he would have killed them. One was the son of their best friends. I was told to stay away from him and I didn't.

So we moved to Florida because my grandfather moved and my mom followed. My father remained up north. My grandfather was married to this bitch, Jan and because of her my grandfather disowned my mother and me. I was 12 or something like that. When he died, I went to the cemetary just to make sure he was dead (that is so horrible of me to say!). Jan, the bitch, grabbed my arm and not lightly, and said "I hope you have no animosity toward me". Nope, not at all I hate you. At a later date, I think I told her to go to hell (and I meant it).

Then, when I was 13 my father died (he was 39, overweight and a smoker). My father was my world. I was supposed to be flying up north to see him the following week. I hadn't seen him in an over a year. It was the first day of summer vacation, prior to entering high school. My grandmother, who I thought I was very close with blamed me for his death. Me, not being there killed him. I was 13, I believed her. To some degree, I still blame myself. If I would have been there with him, I could have called 911 or helped somehow.

Now, I didn't write all this as a "woe is me" post, I wrote it to try to do some soul searching. I don't think any of these events in my life made me turn to food for comfort. I could be wrong, how does one know? I am not a sweets eater anymore. Occasionally, I will want something sweet but not like when I lived in that small town. I don't keep that crap in my house. I am not a snacker. I am not a closet eater. Here's what I do know: I am a picky eater, I am a fast eater (had to be with my brother around or else you wouldn't get to eat) and I really would prefer not to exercise. Now, I am just rambling because all of this soul searching, I have come up with nothing, nada, zilch. *sigh

Monday, February 18, 2008

Monday Weigh In

It has been a strange week. About mid-week my weigh in was looking promising but as the week went on, it was no longer looking promising. I could only attribute it to me eating my "bank" of points, which I try not to do. I went to the gym a couple of times during the week, but not as many as I should have. I even went to the state fair over the weekend and didn't get any fried food. I did get an italian sausage but at least it has some nutritional value over the funnel cakes, fried cookie dough, fried twinkies, fried oreos, fried cheesecake, etc. I did, however walk a great deal at the state fair and then yesterday I spent about 4 hours cleaning the garage and my body feels it today! All the squatting and getting up caught up with the backs of my legs and the front of my thighs.

I also got my new scale over the weekend. It is another WW scale that does a body analysis which includes BMI, body fat percentage, body water percentage, fat weight in lbs, etc. The numbers on the old scale differ a little bit from the new one, but nothing major to where I won't use the weight off the new scale. The body fat weight was kind of depressing but it's going to go down, so no worries. My body fat weight according to scale was 107 lbs, the bright side is that there is 170 lbs of me that isn't fat.

So drumroll, please.....down 2.4 lbs !!!! YAY! Now, if I could just remember to take my Synthroid, it might help speed things along a little bit more :).

I didn't include my goals for this week in my post, so am adding them. If I write it, it must happen...right?

1. Get to the gym 4 days (have been really bad about this)
2. Find a better alternative for breakfast (am eating the not so best choices)
3. Do not use my "bank" this week.
4. Eat more vegetables/fruit.
5. Find a used stationary bike for home (would you believe I cannot find one anywhere for sale. Everyone on a health kick these days? or are they still being used to hang clothes on since the New Year?)

Friday, February 15, 2008

Almost the end of another week

Despite my mood yesterday, which wasn't a happy or sad mood, just kind of "I'm here" mood, I did go work out last night. Yay me! 30 minutes on the recumbant bike for 4.5 miles, 10 minutes on treadmill at 3mph and 15 minutes weight training (legs).

My plan is to go again tonight. I think I will use the stationary bike tonight because I don't feel I get as good of workout on the recumbant. Anyone else feel the same way? I suppose I should work on my arms too...I hate doing my arms, bleh!

Hope everyone has a great Friday.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Coming out of Hiding

I originally was going to make this blog anonymous because I am ashamed of my weight, I always have been. From the time, I can remember I would always wear big shirts to cover my big behind. I still remember my weight for my physical before going into the 4th grade. I was 114 pounds as I was about to enter the 4th grade. I wasn't the largest kid in class, but I was probably the second largest. I was picked on, always picked last in gym class, called every fat name in the book. I know growing up that my mom did the best she could on what she had. She was supporting two kids on less than $8000 a year in the 80s. Most of you know that's not a lot of money. We weren't exactly eating nutritious foods. We were eating cheap..macaroni and cheese, grilled cheeses, hamburgers, hot dogs, etc. It's no wonder, I have a weight problem. I don't blame my mom at all. She did the best she could. Of course, genes haven't helped me much, either over the years. By the time I was in high school I was 185 pounds. Looking back at those pictures, yes I was larger than most of the kids but not horribly overweight. I would kill to be back at that weight now. It's strange how our perception changes over the years or maybe it's others' perceptions that change how we perceive ourselves. At any rate, this post wasn't going to be a woe is me, or feel sorry for me post because I was picked on (because most kids are picked on for some reason or another) but to reveal myself. I'm still not going to go shout on the rooftops about my blog but I feel I am among friends here. Of course, there is that chance that someone I know will stumble upon my blog and see my weekly weigh-ins but why should I care? So here I am with my pride and joy, Reno back in November 2007 at my highest weight 289. I am hoping, no make that I will be posting pictures periodically to show my process. I was originally going to say that hopefully as I go down, but there is no hopefully about it this time. I am going to do it. I may have to ask you all to give me a kick in the ass from time to time.
Enough rambling about that...
Wednesday, I didn't go to the gym but I have a real good reason this time. I was up most of Tuesday night and was running to the bathroom quite frequently Wednesday. I had one of those California Kitchen pizzas (decent points on it) with ham and pineapple. Needless to say, I don't know what was wrong with it, if anything (it didn't taste very good either, the BBQ chicken is much better) but I spent my evening and day in the bathroom. The last thing I wanted to do was to be at the gym and have to stop the treadmill mid walk to go use a public bathroom. As, I sit here and type this (Wed. night), I do feel a bit better so I did use my core exerciser (will save that for another post, another day) for 10 minutes. It's something.

Just plugging along...

I didn't have anything to say yesterday so just didn't write anything. I am staying within my points (yay!) In past experiences doing WW, my head must not have been in the right place because I wouldn't always stay within my point range. After one failed day, I would throw in the week, etc. No more. In the past two weeks, I have gone over on points maybe two days but only by maybe 4 points but I have a bank of 35 points a week that I can use at any time that I am trying not to use. I have been successful, thus far.

I haven't been as good with the gym as I told myself I would be but I am still going, just not the 5x a week. Yesterday, I went and did 20 minutes on the treadmill averaging 3mph, then weight training on my legs for about 20 min, 15 reps 3x and then went back to the stationary bike for 15 minutes with a few sprints. It felt good.

I also snuck a peek at scale this morning, so far so good this week :).

Monday, February 11, 2008

Monday Weigh-In

Well, it was a good loss this week but I have to admit I was a tad bit disappointed because it's not as good as what I saw on the scale earlier in the week. It's ok though because it is still a fairly large loss. I am down 4.4 lbs...yay!

I didn't go grocery shopping over the weekend so am not as well prepared for work today. I have a large salad so hopefully that will keep me from going out and getting something unhealthy but I must go grocery shopping after the gym tonight. Yep, it's a gym night. I have been bad the past few days and not exercising which might explain why the scale didn't show the same it did earlier in the week. I'm good though. I can't expect huge losses every week, I have to be realistic.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

Friday, February 8, 2008

I'm Learning

I didn't go to the gym yesterday. I was really tired and still very sore from Tuesday's workout. I know I said I was going to go but it just didn't happen. I feel a little guilty about it. I also went over my points a little bit yesterday (1.5) so not a huge deal considering I haven't used up any of my weekly bank. I think those donuts yesterday morning made me hungrier throughout the day so have to keep that in mind the next time that urge comes around. The good thing is I didn't eat anymore junk throughout the day. My 1.5 points that I went over was for edamame (soybeans) so I think I did pretty good. In the past, if I would have had those donuts, I would have thrown in the whole day, then because I screwed up a day, I probably would have thrown in the whole week. So I am definitely making progress in my thinking.

Now, I know we shouldn't be checking the scale on a daily basis but I peeked. Yep, another confession. It was a good peek :). I am not going to say how much seeing as I have a few more days before my official weigh in but if it looks like today or even better than today, watch out because I will be dancing on the table. :)

Thursday, February 7, 2008

I didn't go to the gym yesterday and I am feeling very guilty about it but I am so sore from Tuesday still. This morning it was even worse, I can barely move my arms. I think I overdid it just a tad :). I am going tonight, however because I know if I don't go it will ruin my mindset. I also have to go to the gym tonight because I was super, super bad this morning. I wasn't going to blog about it but darn it I am not perfect so I am confessing to the world. I forgot my breakfast so when I stopped for coffee, I grabbed something for breakfast *takes deep breath. Forgive me fellow challengers for I have sinned :). I took two donuts, not one but two. The funny thing is I am not a big sweets eater, never have been but for whatever reason I had that craving this morning. Even though it was not the best choice I could have made, I will journal it and remain within my points. I will NOT let a bad breakfast choice make me forget about the rest of the day (which I would do in the past).

Now, since confession is over. Does anyone have one of those Weight Watchers Complete Fitness Scales? It records your starting and goal weights, noting your progress as you lose, and keeping you aware of your levels of hydration, body fat and bone mass. I thought that this might be good for me. I tend to get frustrated when going to the gym doing what I should be doing and not seeing numbers on the scale. Now, if I saw body fat percentages going down, that would be a motivator as well. So, I bit the bullet and ordered one. :) A little pricey, but I am worth it!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Rewards & Visual Motivation

I had another great day yesterday, health-wise. I stayed within my points and I did not want to go to the gym. I asked the guy that was I seeing to tell me to go to the gym. He says "go to the gym", so I did. Whatever works, right? Once, I was there I was in that "Oh, I so don't want to do this" and the "oh this feels good" mode. I did 15 minutes on the bicycle with several intervals of sprinting for a total of about 5 miles. I, then did 15 minutes on the treadmill at about 3mph and then I moved over to the weights and did about 20 minutes on my arms. Yay, me! So two days so far this week. I plan on going every day this week. If I don't go to the gym, I have made an agreement with myself that I must use my core exerciser at home for at least 30 minutes or take a walk. I think I am finally in the right mindset again. I have a month before I have to go out of town again. That gives me enough time to really get into the habit of eating right and working out. All this healthy thinking and planning has brought other things to mind too.

I am a very visual person. I may see a few pound loss on the scale but I don't see it in the mirror so I feel I need other modes of visual motivation to keep me on track. I have my calendar on the fridge with my daily exercise and if I didn't exercise that day I have to write my reason why. I have another sheet of paper on the fridge and I give myself a star for each pound I lose. Yes, I bought myself a package of gold stars :). On my desk at work, I have a glass jar and for every pound I lose, I am going to put a glass bead in it.

I have been thinking about rewards. I thought about clothes but I am going to need clothes anyway, so how is that really a reward? The one thing that I have considered is pricey and many of you would probably think I'm crazy. I am a fan of Sylvia Browne, ever hear of her? She is a psychic. I know, I know you already think I am crazy but I do believe that some people are capable of seeing things that others can't. Now, so you don't think I am a total lunatic, I believe the majority of those that claim they can are quacks. Those of you that have had the chance to see Sylvia Browne probably know what I am talking about when I say this woman is amazing. Anyway, I digress. Her son has the ability as well. I can't afford Sylvia, I really can't afford her son but when I lose 50 pounds, I am going to get a reading from her son.

When I am at goal, I think my reward will be to finally take that trip I have always wanted to a dude ranch out west.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Ahhh, back on track :)

I am feeling so much better now that I went back to the gym yesterday. I hate being out of town. It screws up my whole routine. So I am back in full force! I ate within my points yesterday, drank about 10 8oz glasses of green tea, exercised 30 min on treadmill at 3.2 mph and did 15 minutes of weight training on my legs. I had every intention of doing an hour but 45 minutes isn't too shabby. Today is another day. It's amazing how different I feel after going to the gym, a sense of accomplishment maybe? a sense of pride? I don't really know what it is but I know I feel better about myself. So what amazes me is that it is so easy to not go but yet I feel better when I do go. If someone has an answer for that bizarre thinking, please feel free to tell me why that is.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Weigh in Monday

Well, just as I expected but had hoped it wouldn't be so bad. I am back to where I started a few weeks ago after my week out of town. I am frustrated but not frustrated enough to throw in the towel. Mother nature kind of got in the way this week too, so I am pretty sure if I work hard this week all of it will come back off.

I apologize that I haven't visited any of your blogs lately but just getting back into town, everything gets piled up. They expect me to work at work (the nerve of them) :).

I will try to get to you today. I hope everyone is doing great.

Here's to a great week!