Monday, April 14, 2008

Monday Weigh-In

It was a good weigh in but it's not because I was religious about counting points, journaling, going to the gym, etc. I lost 1.6 lbs...yay. I will take it! Of course, part of it probably because on Saturday I busted my butt helping the man I am seeing move.

I made a big boo boo. We have been seeing each other for almost 5 months (but we had a previous short history). We are taking it extremely slow, basically I don't think you can go any slower (I'm sure you get my insinuation here). Not that I am complaining, slow is good and very new to me; however, there comes a point when you start to wonder if there isn't something wrong. Anyway, things progressed a little bit Saturday and the walls seemed to be coming down. As I was leaving, he gave me a hug and something just slipped from my lips. I have never had something just slip from my lips without me having any conscious knowledge of it. Can you guess what it was? Yep, it was those three little words that I vowed to myself I would never be the first to say again. It's a blur to me...I am hugging him, I say bye babe, I love you. Now, I don't know if he heard me because it was more of a whisper in his ear as I was leaving. I just walked over, got my things and he kissed me goodbye and I went on my way. I stressed out my entire way home over it. You see, he has gone through some really bad relationships and he is a tad bit cynical and I think I scare him (he has made comments to that regard in the past) and me telling him that could have just sent him running. Hell, it made me run! I talked to him last night but no mention of it and frankly, I am ok with that. I don't want him to be pressured and I wasn't prepared to profess my love for him. I do love him but I have to be careful about what slips out...thank God it wasn't I want to have your baby or something like that.

Maybe I should wire my jaw shut, it will serve two purposes all at once :).


Erin said...

Awww...I've done that, but don't wire your jaw shut! The first time I told my hubby I loved him was on the phone, it was just one of those things...good night i love you see you tomorrow...and he just said yeah talk to you tomorrow. OOPS, it all ended well though.

And congrats on the loss!

Thinking Thin said...

Erin, I guess it did end up well if you are married to him now. :)

Lynn said...

Bah. People take that waaaay too seriously. I love lots of people, and I don't hesitate to tell people so, either.

Loving someone doesn't necessarily change anything. For that matter, not telling someone you love them when you do, doesn't make it NOT LOVE. Doesn't make it NOT a relationship.

Love is an emotion, a strong connection that you feel to another person, or to a place, or in some cases, to an object. He's not obligated to say it back, or to feel it, if he doesn't. If that makes him uncomfortable, then honestly, that's his problem, not yours.

And the whole "I don't want to say it first?" Bah. Just because you didn't say it, doesn't make it not true. If you love him, you do. You won't be any less hurt now if he leaves than you would if he left after you didn't say it. So... may as well say it.

Love is a good thing.

RunningNan said...

Just think of it this way... At least he knows... You never know what good will come from it! I think it's a good thing that it slipped out!

Congrats on the loss too!

Hanlie said...

I agree with Lynn. You've said it, you haven't made a big deal about it. Let it be. He can do what he wants with it. I wouldn't hang around forever if I were you... You might think you're taking it slowly, but he may already be where he wants to be. Listen to me, Miss Relationship Expert! It's just that I spent too much of my youth on guys who were quite content to have me around, but not go much further... It eats you after a while and nobody needs that!

BTW, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you as a blogger. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

Thinking Thin said...

Thank you for the comments, I really do appreciate them. If it is meant to be, it will be :) And to Hanlie, I am ok with how slow things are going..the quick and fast has never worked in the past. I have finally met a good man and this one I hope to keep around :).

Manuela said...

Yeah, I think it's a good thing too. So many people are scared of sharing their emotions. If it's what you feel and it's true, it can't be a bad thing.

Congrats on the loss too, BTW!

Cammy said...

Congrats on the loss! And I wouldn't worry too much about the other. You deserve to share your feelings, too!