Monday, June 9, 2008

Frustrated, Overcome, Defeated...

I can't think of any other word for today other than frustrated, overcome, defeated...I gained again this week. For the past three days, I have been very good to stay below my points to make up for earlier in the week where I had gone over on some days. Overall, I was within my points for the week. I went to the gym 3 days this past week, went horseback riding for an hour and a half on Saturday and still posting a 1.6 pound gain. I have been at "this" since the beginning of the year and can't show any progress. I have a huge problem with this! Some of it is my fault but sometimes I have to wonder if I am just destined to be overweight the rest of my life. It's NOT like I have gained this weight since high school or since last year. I have been heavy all of my life. Am I being punished for something in a previous life and this is it, I can't have the body I want?

I was talking to my mom a little bit about it this morning and she said maybe I need to go back to the Weight Watchers meetings. I am definitely considering it...maybe they can help me find where the problem lies. This is the reason I have given up in the past. I remember, several years ago a good friend of mine and I had joined the YMCA and we went every night for about 45 minutes. I went 5 days a week for about 4 months, I never lost anything. I don't know what my diet was like so I am sure that played a role in me not losing any weight.

So, I'm not giving up but if after the next couple of weeks I don't start seeing some losses on the scale then I think I am going to have to make an appointment with the doctor. Maybe I will get the 'ol measuring tape out and measure myself too to see if I have lost any inches...but to be honest, I am afraid to. I am afraid that if I don't see progress on the tape that I will give up and I don't want to give up.

For those of you that can lose weight by watching what you eat, I'm happy for you but I hate you :P.

At the rate, I am going I will be the biggest gainer in my challenge. Now there's something to look forward to!

OK, I am done with the "woe is me" for now...for those of you that are in my challenge, please post your weigh in details so I can update the spreadsheet.

I just updated my status on Americaonthemove.org and it looks like I passed another area of interest. If nothing else, I am "seeing the country".

Ft. Kearny, the first military post built to protect the Oregon Trail emigrants, was a collection of sod buildings. The fort remained an important wayside throughout the emigration period. Many pioneers purchased food here, and used the fort's reliable mail service. In a single day in late May, as many as 2,000 emigrants and 10,000 oxen might pass through.

20 comments:

carla said...

ok.
Ive read this a couple of times and I so wanna run to your domicile and cheer you on and MAKE :) you lose your negative self chatter.

you know Im completely with your mom...but Im an IT TAKES A VILLAGE with *everything* in my life so I might be the wrong one to ask...

MizFit

carla said...

(swing by today if you have a sec. watch the video. pretend the neg. peeps in your world are you. choose to ignore the voices. even just today)

http://www.MizFitOnline.com

Skinny Inside said...

Hi there. I can totally, totally relate to your feelings. I, too, have been overweight my whole life, and it's always been (probably will always be) a struggle for me. The only advice I can offer up is to explore why you have the weight problem in the first place...what caused you/me to get overweight as a child? I've been working out these things for years (!!) now, and just beginning to break through, with the help of a therapist. Maybe others are less thick headed than me and can manage it on their own, but I've never been able to tackle the "why do I binge" questions. Also, I don't know if you've read Dr. Phil's Weight Loss book, but he definitely puts it in terms of, "fix the inside first, and the weight will come off" I absolutely know this is true.

Anyhow, keep your chin up, you will get there!

By the way, do you prefer to get Monday weights by email, or should I comment here? Today it's 241.2...either way:-)

Manuela said...

Oh Bonnie, nothing I say will help so I'll just send my good vibes your way.

I think you're right in going to see your doctor to discuss this and maybe he/she can help you figure things out.

And, being a WW graduate, going to meetings may help if only to see what other people who are experiencing the same things as you are, are doing to make things go down.

I'm wishing you the best and believe that you'll be able to turn things around eventually :)

Thinking Thin said...

Fixing the inside is a great idea but my weight problem doesn't stem from any emotional trauma as a kid. I have been overweight since I was a toddler. I never outgrew the baby fat.

I don't binge, never have. Some people think that when someone is overweight, they plop themselves down on the couch with a quart of icecream. That's not me, never has been. I am not a snacker, I am not a binger. I eat my 3 meals a day and that's it and it is the same meals that my skinny counterparts eat.

FAT BRIDESMAID said...

We've all been there girl, but I know that doesn't do much to make you feel better. I like you're mom's idea about going back to meetings, even if it's just a couple to help you sort out what the hang up is. But I say channel all that anger and frustration about your gains into motivation at the gym. Try something new to change up your routine (a new class maybe? or circuit training?) and pretty soon those pounds will start melting off!

You can do it!

irunbehind said...

i don't know if you've heard of it, but i think you could find a bodybugg really helpful. i was REALLY frustrated for years because i exercised and thought i was eating well (and for the most part did have a really nutritious diet). it actually calculates how many calories you are burning every day so you can make sure you are staying in a deficit you choose whether you are sedentary or active. i cannot tell you what an eye-opening experience it is and how helpful it has been to finally get some progress. i got mine on sale (dh got if for my bday) and when i think of all the pampering things i do NOT do for myself and all the copays etc. for meds/visits i would have to have for health concerns it has already more than paid for itself. i'm surprised i haven't seen that more of the healthy challenge folks have found it. so far i haven't seen anyone else but me.

hang in. i still have those days cuz it feels like i have to work soooo much harder than so many other people-- even with my secret weapon. it does help me to get on and read other's situations and actually know i am not the only one that hits a wall!

(((take care)))

Fab Kate said...

((hug))

I can understand... but you know we have our ups and downs, and this could be just a little blip. One of the things that separates success from failure is the ability to pick up after a tumble and go on. I know you can do it!

Ashley said...

Don't give up!!! I know it's hard, I know it feels impossible; hell, it may actually be pretty damn close to impossible, but you'll regret it if you give up. And besides, I'm running with you for the biggest gainer title!! I'm up a pound, too, to 105. :o) Stick with it, honey, I will if you will!!!

WillBFineby2009 said...

I was a Weight Watcher member years ago.I too would be right on with eating & I too would get frustrated .I myself need to bust my butt big time because I have learned with my body I gain muscle as I lose fat.My clothes will fit better ,yet the scale crawls.I just joined u all so this will be my first week & u will see I too crawl & it stinks.Its our body make I AM SURE OF THAT !!!!

RunningNan said...

The one thing I might suggest is that I wouldn't eat less points one day to make up for more points on another. I do remember that you should eat all of your points. That's what the flex points are for. Use them! Shake it up a bit.. I switched breakfast and lunch, and viola.. plateau busted... I also switched pills and the heat is keeping me fully hydrated. Don't get discouraged. It happens to us all!

Heather said...

oh I have felt like that lately too! its hard when yo uwork hard and the scale just doesnt reflect that. but dont fall into that "this is the weight I must be meant to be at" mentality becuase is easy to think a stall or plateau or gain means that your body is fighting you. You ARE making it healthier and eventually the scale will reward you. I know for me, you are right, food alone just stopped working. I had to really increase my exercise, so look at your schedule and see if there is anything that you can do to get more exercise in, even if its little things. hang in there, you will find something that works for you.

weelittleme said...

Oh hun. I want to come through the screen and give you a hug. I think you are totally entitled to be frustrated. I gained this week too and I'm going to try something crazy this week. I'm going to eat more. If you are following WW then I suppose you have good advice on the amount of food to eat. If you've started to exercise more, this could be setting you up for this as well but it is fat loss we are after, not muscle wasting or starving. I think measurements are another good idea. I read a blog about a woman that started running and went from size 12 to 6 without really losing weight, that is crazy and shows just how much can go on that has nothing to do with the scale. Good luck this week. We can do this, we really can and it will get better, it will.

Crystal said...

chin up! try to be positive and don't let the negative self-talk overcome you. i think it's a good idea to pull out the ole' tape measure. i haven't seen a lot of weight loss for me from the scale but the measurements show the real loss.

i'm cheering you on from my corner!

Trisha J. said...

You are making positive changes even if the scale doesn't show it! Don't let the scale be your main measure. I like the idea of the measuring tape. Also, check your clothes---they are probably looser. What about cholesterol? High blood pressure? Diabetes? You are moving away from those things whether your weight shows it or not. Good luck! I hope you break through soon.


I can not for the life of me find your email address. My weight this week: 208.3! (not a big loss)

Cammy said...

{{{HUGS}}}

Have you considered seeing a nutritionist? The reason I asked is that a friend of mine had converted to an all-natural, vegan way of eating and subsequently lost 20 lbs. And then stopped losing. She was exercising regularly and doing all the right things, but she could NOT lose any more weight. She went to a nutritionist, who somehow uncovered that she needed more protein in her diet and then helped her play with menus until she found the combination that worked for her. It might be worth a shot. ??

Lovebug6100 said...

I too have been struggling this year to get the scale to recognize my efforts. Try using fitday.com to track your dietary intake, it will definately give you something to reference and bring if you go to the drs. But for some of us, weight loss is a delicate balance...you just have to find what works!

ptg said...

oh hon. I'm so sorry that things are so frustrating right now - again, nothing I say will help, but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you!

I also don't know your email address, so my weigh in is at 200.0 even.

Trish said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. I gained this week as well. My weigh in this week is up 3 pounds, I'm at 375.0.

Skinny Inside said...

Hi again, I hope I didn't step on your toes with my previous comment. I didn't mean to offend or insinuate anything in the least. I hope you're feeling more upbeat today:-)