Thursday, June 19, 2008

Hodgepodge...a warning, food and life update

This is going to be just a bunch of hodgepodge today, which really kind of matches the mess in my head right now.

Over the course of several months and reading each other's blogs, we tend to feel like we have gotten to know that person. I think, generally we can get a good idea of what type of person they are. I could start listing traits now of several of you (all good, I assure you). However, without ever having physical eye-to-eye contact, you will never truly know the person (IMHO). I think the majority of the women I have come into contact here are truly wonderful, caring women. I also think that our world is not perfect and sometimes people will try to take advantage of those that have a big heart. I don't want to go into too much detail (you can ask me by email, if you wish) as to why I am writing this. I just want to give you gals a warning to be careful and use your head, not your heart.

Next subject...

I haven't been eating well the past couple of days for obvious reasons but last night my stomach had finally said it's time to feed me. I had no desire to find anything in the kitchen so I ordered from Papa John's. I decided to try the wheat crust pizza. Yuck. It was too bready. If it was thin crust, it might be ok but I was not impressed and I only ate 1/2 a slice. So now, I have a large pizza at home that will not get eaten...I will be scraping the topics off and eating them.


The phone has still been quiet but F's week is so busy, he probably hasn't had time to mull things over. The weekend is when he tends to have more time to think about things. I have talked to a few male friends of mine. How better to understand a man then to ask one. Of course, some of the men were not good examples to ask seeing as they have never been afraid of commitment. One told me if you want to message him, message him. Nope, no can do. I have learned that the hard way over the years. A good married friend of mine told me last night that I am an amazing woman and if he doesn't see what he could be giving up, then he is just stupid. LOL. He also added that he wasn't just humoring me because he knows how I am. I relayed the entire conversation to this friend (you guys only got bits and pieces) and he told me he would call...that F said things that he wouldn't say if it was one of those typical "it's not you, it's me" talks (you know the ones...when he really means it is you). Of course, in the next breath he gave me a link to a dating site. M, I don't want a dating site! Gotta love him.

When something bad happens in a relationship and I am the one holding the short end of the straw, I never think it is "them". I just always assume it's me. The funny thing is the first thing I think, is it must be my weight. He isn't attracted to me anymore. I am telling you, I am my own worst enemy. Most of the time I am pretty confident in myself. I find myself attractive on good hair days (hehe) but when my world comes tumbling down, the self esteem tends to shatter with it. I am not feeling that way right now but maybe because I don't think it is over. There is still hope that he isn't going to be so scared that he would rather just walk away from me. This isn't the first time I have scared someone. Others have been "scared" and I wasn't even holding a screw gun at their groin!

Anyway, there is no update. *sigh

UPDATE: Since I wrote this, this morning...I have a small update. He IM'd me a short bit ago to see how I was. I guess that is a good's not much but he is trying to keep the lines open I guess :).


Manuela said...

Hang in there!

Good for you for not taking out frustrations with food. There were times in the past when I would eat something even though it didn't taste great--like your whole wheat crust. (that would never happen in Windsor because we have the BEST pizza places!)

Have a good weekend no matter what.

Cammy said...

I suspect most of us here are our own worst enemies, but I also think most of us are working on changing that. Good for you for recognizing it and working through it, especially for not working through it with a fork. :)

ptg said...

I definitely agree that most are our own worst enemies.

I also agree that when we "meet" someone online, we don't really know them know them until we meet them IRL. I've met some great people online and then ventured on to meeting them in person, and luckily enough they were just as fantastic as I thought they would be. THe nice benefit of being "online" is that we are more ourselves behind a computer screen than in person, but it's also easier to be a sheep in wolf's clothing.

Anyway. Kudos to you for not weeding through everything with food. That, in and of itself, is a major accomplishment!

goodbyetoallfat said...

Glad to hear you got an IM message from him. Try not to get too frustrated waiting for him -- go out and do other stuff, leave him wondering where you are and why you are having such an excellent time!

Best wishes,

RunningNan said...

I know exactly what you mean. Usually, when things don't add up, there is a reason for it.

I'm glad he messaged you. Hang in there... Life is bumpy.

Now, I'll take that pizza.. That should cure my drunken/wobbly/swimmy head feeling!

gemfit said...

New reader here but I know what you're going through (don't we all?) and well done for not taking it out on your eating/food etc.

Have a good weekend and remember, when it comes to relationships, there are two people involved. It's not always YOU to blame. YOU can't make other people not be stupid. :)

RunningNan said...

I hope everything is going well... Hope you are back today!

Scale Junkie said...

I totally agree about using your head when it comes to dealing with those we meet online, but then again you already knew that ;-)

I was SO excited to see Papa John's had a WW crust but I don't like a bready crust either so I won't even bother trying it. Lets hope they come out with a thin crust. Publix has WW pizza dough in the bakery, you just have to call a day ahead for it.

I think your Mom saying F to just get over it is like telling me or anyone else over weight to "just lose weight" I hope he is able to work through some of the issues.

Stopping now or my comment will be as long as your post :-)