Monday, June 16, 2008

Life hurts

I appreciate all the well wishes with my current dilemma, situation..whatever you want to call it. There is more to it then what I wrote yesterday. It's not one of those "it's not you, it's me" kind of scenarios. He's not an ass. He is a good man, a very good man. He really does care about me, and I know that. I also think I know where the problem lies, which I don't want to reveal here seeing as I have my picture on the site and you never know. I scare him. I don't know if I scare him because of things that have happened in previous relationships but I am pretty sure that has a huge bearing on it. I also think he is uncomfortable talking about certain things and somehow I need to address it because I am pretty sure that's what is causing him to feel the way he does. It is a very sensitive issue and I don't know to approach it.

I asked him if he minded if I came by after work on Monday to talk and it wasn't good timing so we are planning for Tuesday. He is very important to me and I need for him to understand that I can deal with anything other then him wanting to dress up in women's clothing. Regardless, of where this goes I have no doubt that we will remain friends even though it will be extremely hard in the beginning. I love him and that isn't easily reversed.

I guess the bright side, if I had to find one is that I have absolutely no appetite. I forced myself to eat something yesterday and I imagine today will likely be the same.

Last night, I came home and my roommate and the guy she recently started seeing are standing out in the driveway. I didn't feel like talking to anyone so I just went into the house. She comes into the house shortly afterwards and asks if I am ok. No, I'm not. You know the here comes the what's wrong, what happened? So I show her what he had written me and she didn't say anything. About 20 minutes later she apologizes for not saying anything and then tells me that she didn't know what to say because the guy that she is seeing said he felt uncomfortable just shortly before. How can you compare a relationship of 7+ months to a guy that you met a flipping week ago? This is about me! *sigh Can't it ever be about me for once?

It's going to be about me tonight when I see F. Ok, maybe not totally about me but darn it I want the answers I need and I am set out to get them. If he doesn't want to be with me because he isn't attracted to me (which I know isn't the case), met someone else (don't think this is the case either), he's gay (don't think that's it either), or just doesn't feel that way towards me I will have to accept it. However, if it is what I think it is, that is not an acceptable reason to end a perfect relationship. I know I am being somewhat cryptic but it's an issue some men experience and men are very sensitive to talk about it.

Of course, he hasn't ended it yet...we didn't talk last night (no texts, no IMS, no phone calls) and haven't talked yet this morning like we normally do. Maybe, just maybe he has done some thinking to realize that we are good together and he is doing the things he told me he wouldn't do and that's run away when he gets scared. Positive thinking, right?

Ok, onto different news...I can't talk about it anymore or I will end up in tears again.


Biggest Loser Update

We have had a few new challengers in the last two weeks. Welcome! We have also had several not update their weights. I am not going to hunt you down, so it's up to you. You can check to see if I have your weights, by checking out the status link above this post.

To Stacy, no worries if you don't weigh in until Monday nights. I am pretty much doing the updates on Tuesday to allow everybody time to get their weights in :).

Ok, as of right now our biggest loser this week was Ashley! Yay, Ashley! Overall, MaryFran is winning with Quarterlife Girl not far behind. Come on ladies, we need to give her some competition. We won't even talk about where I am in the challenge.


Cammy said...

{{{Hugs you}}}

Ashley said...

Sweet! It will be the only week ever I win. :o)

And I'm glad you're getting your situation a little bit straightened out. Sometimes, just hearing it is enough, and I hope that neither of you walk away with too much heartache. Some things just need a little time and space, as much as it pains us.

RunningNan said...

LOL.. I should've given you the higher weight last week! lol.. but, if I remember, it was my monday weigh in that was 156... and the friday before that was 154.5.. so, personally, i'm doing well... I'll knock it down...

Hopefully, it isn't the womens clothing! I know it's tough to deal with.. Just try to eat something... Otherwise, you'll slow things down, and it will just be harder. ICE CREAM!

Ready to Shrink said...

Be strong will make it through. We are all here for you sending out virtual hugs to you.

Shanna said...

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through! I really hope all goes well during your talk. I know it can be frustrating, but you are one strong chickie, and I know you will make it through. Remember that. Sending you lots of hugs!!

Scale Junkie said...

{{{{Hugs}}}} I'm here for you if you need me.

Big Girl said...

Be stong and make sure you ask the questions you need answers to.

Good luck. We're here for you!

Ms. Gigglepuss said...

Stay strong!! I'm hoping you get the answers you're seeking from him, even if it hurts. Moving to other subjects--yay, you for losing this week!

RunningNan said...

Oh, and I'll send my little Nora down to give you pooterhugs! (don't ask!) She's really good at cheering people up!

Stacy Cartwright said...

hope you get the answers your looking for tonight.

thanks for the comment. i just felt bad that it's not to you sooner on Mondays.

Manuela said...

There are plenty of good comments on your situation so I won't add any others.

Just sending positive thoughts your way and knowing that things will turn out as they should.

Crystal said...

My heart goes out to you. I can tell just from your writing how much you care about this man. I hope your talk tonight goes well and you get the answers you need.

goodbyetoallfat said...

Thinking Thin,

Just wanted to know that I have just quoted you in my latest blog, basically quoting some of the best comments from my readers.

I hope you don't mind but I was especially bowled over by readers such as yourself who made reference to my writing skills.

Your comment of 5 June 2008 now appears:

(1) down the right hand side of my web page; and

(2) in my latest blog today:

If you object to me using your comment in this self-publicising way, just let me know, either in a comment or e-mail and I will remove yours and leave the others.

Thanks + best wishes,