I appreciate all the well wishes with my current dilemma, situation..whatever you want to call it. There is more to it then what I wrote yesterday. It's not one of those "it's not you, it's me" kind of scenarios. He's not an ass. He is a good man, a very good man. He really does care about me, and I know that. I also think I know where the problem lies, which I don't want to reveal here seeing as I have my picture on the site and you never know. I scare him. I don't know if I scare him because of things that have happened in previous relationships but I am pretty sure that has a huge bearing on it. I also think he is uncomfortable talking about certain things and somehow I need to address it because I am pretty sure that's what is causing him to feel the way he does. It is a very sensitive issue and I don't know to approach it.
I asked him if he minded if I came by after work on Monday to talk and it wasn't good timing so we are planning for Tuesday. He is very important to me and I need for him to understand that I can deal with anything other then him wanting to dress up in women's clothing. Regardless, of where this goes I have no doubt that we will remain friends even though it will be extremely hard in the beginning. I love him and that isn't easily reversed.
I guess the bright side, if I had to find one is that I have absolutely no appetite. I forced myself to eat something yesterday and I imagine today will likely be the same.
Last night, I came home and my roommate and the guy she recently started seeing are standing out in the driveway. I didn't feel like talking to anyone so I just went into the house. She comes into the house shortly afterwards and asks if I am ok. No, I'm not. You know the drill...now here comes the what's wrong, what happened? So I show her what he had written me and she didn't say anything. About 20 minutes later she apologizes for not saying anything and then tells me that she didn't know what to say because the guy that she is seeing said he felt uncomfortable just shortly before. How can you compare a relationship of 7+ months to a guy that you met a flipping week ago? This is about me! *sigh Can't it ever be about me for once?
It's going to be about me tonight when I see F. Ok, maybe not totally about me but darn it I want the answers I need and I am set out to get them. If he doesn't want to be with me because he isn't attracted to me (which I know isn't the case), met someone else (don't think this is the case either), he's gay (don't think that's it either), or just doesn't feel that way towards me I will have to accept it. However, if it is what I think it is, that is not an acceptable reason to end a perfect relationship. I know I am being somewhat cryptic but it's an issue some men experience and men are very sensitive to talk about it.
Of course, he hasn't ended it yet...we didn't talk last night (no texts, no IMS, no phone calls) and haven't talked yet this morning like we normally do. Maybe, just maybe he has done some thinking to realize that we are good together and he is doing the things he told me he wouldn't do and that's run away when he gets scared. Positive thinking, right?
Ok, onto different news...I can't talk about it anymore or I will end up in tears again.
Biggest Loser Update
We have had a few new challengers in the last two weeks. Welcome! We have also had several not update their weights. I am not going to hunt you down, so it's up to you. You can check to see if I have your weights, by checking out the status link above this post.
To Stacy, no worries if you don't weigh in until Monday nights. I am pretty much doing the updates on Tuesday to allow everybody time to get their weights in :).
Ok, as of right now our biggest loser this week was Ashley! Yay, Ashley! Overall, MaryFran is winning with Quarterlife Girl not far behind. Come on ladies, we need to give her some competition. We won't even talk about where I am in the challenge.