Monday, June 16, 2008

Well, it's a loss...in more ways than I hoped

I am supposed to be jumping for joy that there was a loss, right? Well, I'm not. It was a 1.2lb loss. I know, I know a loss is a loss but considering the past two weeks were gains, I was really hoping for more. I am so tired of playing with the same five pounds. I'm not giving up but I am beyond frustrated. I will just have to work harder at the gym and maybe I need to change up my diet a little bit...going to try to get more protein in this week. I am also tempted to start going to WW meetings again to see if they can give me some insight as to why I can't seem to go down. I am still measuring everything, still counting all my points, exercising most days, drinking my water blah blah blah.

In other news...F isn't the same towards me lately. He has a lot going on in his life at the moment and is stressed out. His days start at 5a and don't end until about 10p. Things seem to be fine when we are together which is only about 2 hours a week lately *sigh. He used to call me every night, he doesn't do that anymore. When I say used to...this was a few weeks ago. He has told me in the past that I need to stop reading into things but damn...when the routine changes, it's hard not to. I know he is tired and there aren't enough hours in the day but am just feeling like he is in "retreat" mode again. He is a wonderful man and I would do anything for him. I just really wish he would get over whatever issues he is dealing with and not go into retreat mode everytime he thinks he is moving too fast or I am getting too close or whatever else is going on in his head. I have also wondered if there is someone else lately. He has told me I don't have any competition but...

I'm just in one of those "I don't know what the hell to do" stages. I want to talk to him about it but at the same time I don't want to do the whole girly "can we talk" talks that men hate. *sigh

UPDATED: I am not one to sit around and not say anything so I sent him a message to ask him if he was mad at me for something. He said "nope, not mad". Hmm, that implied that there was something though. I asked him if there was something else. Several minutes later, obviously after thinking for awhile of how to say what he wanted to say, he said this...

well to be honest with you, i'm not sure that i'm comfortable with how things have progressed between us - we've gotten pretty close and i'm not sure that's where i want to be. i've hesitated saying anything because i do care about you a lot and don't want you to be hurt

This translates into...I don't know how to control the bus so I am just going to jump off. We are going to talk later...of course, I think the outcome is pretty obvious *sob

21 comments:

ptg said...

Oh hon....I wish I could give you a big ol' hug right now. I'm sure the outcome of your "talk" will weigh heavier on you than any weight gain or loss could.

Sometimes, men just suck.

Keep working hard, keep moving forward - one foot after the other. It's the only way to go and I know you can do it. Congrats on the loss - it might not be what you wanted, but at least it's gone.

RunningNan said...

Men are stupid, stupid and stupid! I'm sorry.

oh.. and my weight was a staggering 155.. mark me as a gain! I'll be gaining and losing this whole time. I'll probably end up at my starting weight!

Lovebug6100 said...

Aww....I'm sorry to hear about your relationship...it's a shame that finding a great woman is scary...and you shouldn't be punished because he's a chicken!! Keep your head up! And my weight this week went up, 254.8....I'm losing and gaining the same 5 pounds myself...I wish they'd take a hike!

Ashley said...

what is wrong with some of these guys, huh? I am so sorry!!

quarterlifegirl said...

[sigh] I don't have much to add...men do suck! I wish you the best though, and no matter what happens I know you will come out of it better and stronger!

As for the contest, I'm at 157.5 this week.

Ashley said...

Oops, forgot to post my weigh-in, I'm down this week to 202.

spunkysuzi said...

Thanks for inviting me ;) I'm Suzanne my blog is called spunkysuzi working towards a healthier me

this weeks weigh in 145.4

spunkysuzi.blogspot.com

Ready to Shrink said...

Seriously sometimes I jsut feel like I want to shake some men and say "HELLO! Don't you see what you are losing...this chick is amazing and you are lucky she allows you in her presence!"

As for losing the same 5 lbs...sometimes it seems like we get stuck in that doesn't it? I feel like I've been toying with being close to 300 forever, it's like JUST GET THERE already, ya know?

Manuela said...

As with the weight loss, patience is a virtue when it comes to relationships.

It's so hard for us women to let them be! "Tell me what you're thinking" c'mon, how hard is it?

Congrats on the loss--that's something at least!

goodbyetoallfat said...

Sorry to hear about your man troubles.

In one of our UK weekend magazines there is a column at the back called "The Toxic Bachelor" where a single man gives his opinion on dating and relationships .... and everything in your post sounds like what he wrote about a few weeks ago when a man wants to back off.

Apparently the WORST thing we can do is "hassle" them about it (that's like ask in any way, shape or form -- verbally, text message anything).

The Toxic Bachelor said that men often get to a stage where a relationship is on the "brink" of becoming serious and what they need is SPACE, time to step back.

He did say that if you allow them space they will often decide "yes this is the woman I want" (well he said it) .....

but that does mean REAL space -- no hassling at all -- leave him alone to figure it out and realise how much he misses you.

Either way, hope it works out for you.

best wishes,
Sharon

ptg said...

Oops - forgot to post my weigh-in: 199.

Cammy said...

It could be that he's just confused and with his current schedule, just doesn't have time to sort it all out. Maybe with time??

wishing you strength of spirit...

Nightmare Jack aka Danielle said...

dont men just drive you to drink sometimes- sorry this is happening right now - I hope things get better really soon

Big Girl said...

I'm so sorry. I hate that stupid, it's not you, it's me, thing.

Hope "the talk" goes well.

Good job on the weight loss.

WillBFineby2009 said...

So sorry to hear about the man in your life.I don't know how long he has been in your life ,but be thankful he was honest about his feelings.Maybe he will come around,or he is simply tired for now....Take Care....

Wallowgirl said...

I'm sorry for your "man" problems. Hopefully everything works out.
My weight this week 211.6. That is a 2.6 loss.

Heather said...

sorry you are disapointed with yoru weighin but I think your loss is great! its one step closer and while I know it feels like we work so hard and should lost 10 pounds at a time (if effort=pounds), but unfortunately it doesnt work like that, so we might as well celebrate the little things right?!?

Crystal said...

i'm sorry to hear things aren't going so well on the men front. some men are like rubber bands. they get close to you and then snap back. i used to date a guy like this and i had to give him his space and figure out what he wanted while i continued with my own life. hope you two have a good talk and can work things out.

no matter what the outcome, keep your chin up and keep working on yourself. nothing says success better than living a happy, healthy life.

Life At 40 said...

ings aren't going well right now, just try to take it one day at a time

Stacy Cartwright said...

Sorry my weight comes in so late on Monday's. I don't weigh in at my WW meeting until 6pm PST. so any ways my weight is 173.4. Hope you have a great week.

thanks!!

Wee Little Me said...

That's pretty crappy about F. Wouldn't it be nice if they could just bring these thoughts up and talk about them before they build up. arghghghg.

Hopefully the weight is on its downward trend now though.