Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Challenge, Work and A

First, let me say Andrea did an awesome job on the challenge. She was the biggest loser of all those that submitted their weights. Everyone, including me have had a lot going on in our lives so it has been difficult to keep motivated, enthusiastic and for me to actually keep my updates on schedule the past few weeks. It's the holiday season now which tends to be known for gorging ourselves, so I hope everyone keeps a level head and doesn't go overboard.

Today is my last day at work and no one is here. Everyone is on vacation. Why am I here? I think it will be an early day for me...I mean, really what's the point. I sent out my farewell email yesterday and I had a few very nice responses and a few shocking ones from those that I have been close to all these years. In fact, I am still kind of in shock as I write this. This is a co-worker that I have worked closely with for 11 years and there is a lot of history. He sent me an email that said "it's been a pleasure, good luck". It was like we met last week. I took it personally but am hoping that it was just because he didn't know what to say. What can you say, really?

On the A front....things are going well. It's like an egg ready to hatch. Each day it gets closer to hatching and a new crack appears. It seems each day lately, a new crack is appearing. Yesterday, he IM'd me all day. I gave you the song yesterday. Today he sent me some more lyrics. Here's the IM...

OHHHHH INXS!!!! here ya go honey! This is for you.....

So slide over here
And give me a moment
Your moves are so raw
I've got to let you know
I've got to let you know
You're one of my kind

I need you tonight'
Cause I'm not sleeping
There's something about you girl
That makes me sweat


Aparently, I make him sweat. LOL. Then later in the evening....

We are playing our game and the conversation was about our characters and I said something to him about him not needing me. He said "but only if you knew". The conversation changed from the game dynamics to personal dynamics. I questioned what he meant. He quickly responded with "nah, nothing forget last statement". I said, oh no, tell me. Then he changed the subject. I asked again because I am one of those persistent types that hates when someone says something and then doesn't follow through. He told me "in all due time, my dear". Fine! LOL....

And this morning, oh yes there's more...

He sends me more lyrics...

A: "Jet City Woman, see her face everywhere, can't get her out of my mind"
Me: trying to tell me something with all these lyrics lately? :P
A: maybe

but then the conversation gets changed...lol....

The egg has more cracks each day.. I think it's going to hatch soon. (YAY!) Damn thing has been incubated for a long time.

Job, Weight and A

Good morning everyone. My spirits are up, kind of. I am actually kind of ok over the job thing at the moment. Although tomorrow is my last day and I imagine parts of it will be very emotional for me, mostly because of the people. I am kind of hoping that I will find something soon, they won't want me to start until after the first of the year and I can take a month off, start a new job and get severance and get paid at the same time. Wouldn't that be nice? hehe. One can hope.

Things on the weight loss front...not so hot. Although, I am reporting a loss this week but still can't seem to get back to that 269 I saw briefly. Next week! While I am off work, in between sending resumes and doing interviews, I do plan on hitting the gym. This is my chance to really make a difference in my mind and body.

Today, I will be visiting you guys. I feel so bad for not coming around as of late. I also will be going back through the comments and updating the weights and minutes for the challenges so if you have your information and haven't submitted it, go ahead and I will update. Obviously, when this challenge is over I am going to take a break from hosting any for awhile until my life settles down a bit.

My head is still in this, it's just not 100% into it...I need to get it back there. It starts now :)

In other news..you know the man front....because I know you all just want to hear about A and if there has been any progress. No, there hasn't..hehe. Although, over the weekend he almost came out and met with a friend of mine and I. Almost.... He's cracking under the pressure I think. So, he sends me a message the other night. We stayed up and talked until 5:30a, basically until neither of us could keep our eyes open any longer. He told me to listen to the lyrics of this song. What are your thoughts? I am hooked on this song now, by the way. Diana has already given me her thoughts (thanks, Diana).

Friday, November 21, 2008

Mystery Man Revealed...

Well, it took me awhile but I did find out who the Mystery Rose Man was. FDR wouldn't tell me without contacting the customer. Around 3p, I was on the phone with FDR again and the woman on the other line said she had some good news for me (I don't give up). She gave me the name and I was shocked. It wasn't the A we all know and love (but I do have a short story about him too) it is a different A. I will refer to him as Canadian. Canadian and I have never met. I "met" Canadian in the game that I play several months ago and we play together regularly. He is a super nice guy and is always telling me how wonderful and awesome I am (almost too much). So, he knew that it was my birthday and he also knew that I had been laid off and was in pretty low spirits. He had asked me the day I had been laid off what my zip code was because he wanted to find out if there were any Mac stores in my area to see if they were hiring. He also knew my last name from my IM, so with those two bits of information he used the Internet to get an address which had a wrong phone number. He took a chance on the address and it happened to be correct.

So when I found out I called him a sneaky little shit and then thanked him. He must have gotten a kick out of me telling him about all the trouble I was going through to find out who sent them...the little shit. LOL. He was afraid I would be mad at him or think he was a stalker considering he had to do a little sleuthing himself to get my address to send them. What a nice guy!

So now A knew I got some roses and did ask if I found out who sent them. Yep. He asked who, so I told him. He said to me, "I think he likes you". Yeah I think he probably does. Hint, hint A time to get off the pot :).

So A and I are talking today and I finally ask him what the problem is. Why won't he meet me? I said I don't want to pressure him (he feels like I am) but he has never told me why. Give me a reason. His response....

have you ever had a feeling about a person and then you jump into something and its ruined......the build up to whatever was f*#$* because it was rushed......well I told you I test the waters, I want the build up, if there is one....does that make sense...plus I'm really spontanious...you never know when I will do something off the wall

So, there may be hope still :)

Oh, next week I will be updating all the challenges and getting caught up...right now in resume hell. I have sent out about 20 so far. Cross your fingers for me! And as another side note, I will visit you all and see how you all are doing. I've been pretty self involved lately. Sorry!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Roses and cryptic messages...

I want to thank all of you for your well wishes. I'm not going to let this get me down, I can't. I need to find a job. I have worked very hard all my life to get where I am today and I refuse to lose it all. I need to apologize to those of you that are in the challenges (again) about not being more on top of things when updating. I am going to do better but I do hope you understand with the current state of my life that I am going to have to discontinue "our walk". I will continue to add up our steps/mileage and at the end of our journey I will figure out where we ended up. I hope you understand but right now my financial future needs to take top priority in my life.

Now, onto a brighter side..I think.

Last night, I came home to a dozen red roses on my doorstep. It was my birthday yesterday. The big present was being laid off. Thanks, I love it! Can I return it? The roses obviously couldn't have come at a better time considering the two shitty days. I rush inside to see who they are from. The card reads, "May today bring some small joys and the year ahead be filled with nothing but promise and happiness - from your friend" WTF? Why the hell can't you sign your name? On the envelope is a cell phone number. I call it. It's a bad number. SHIT! So I'm thinking who would have sent. F? I call him. No, it wasn't him. He feels bad now. This is the second time I have asked him if he sent flowers and it wasn't him...hehe. Oops, maybe he will eventually send some. Hmm, A? I haven't talked to him in over a week. Not sure what is going on with him so no way to ask him. My friend G because he always just sends me stuff out of the blue and always remembers my birthday. Nope, not him either. I ask a few other people, no one is claiming. I start to think maybe it was my boss but red roses? That might be a bit weird. Oh, and for the record whenever I get flowers I always seem to get the cryptic messages, no name. In fact, I thanked the wrong guy once for flowers that he didn't send me so the next day I got a bigger bouquet from the guy that didn't originally send them. So, all last night I am trying to figure out who and whose cell number that could possibly be. A male friend of mine told me last night that whoever it was had to spend between 50 and 100 dollars for them and the liklihood of them not appearing in my life is slim. Ok, good point. So this morning I call the florist. It was done online. Ok...so I call FTD with the order number. They can't tell me. I asked her if she could confirm if I gave a name. It wasn't my boss. I asked if I gave her another name. She said she really couldn't, she could lose her job. I asked her if she could tell me what city. No. What state? No. Could she just grunt if I asked and got it right? No. She told me she could call the customer and find out if it was ok to release the information and call me back. It's almost 1p, I still don't know.

So someone from my past ? Someone with the wrong cell phone number? The mystery continues...

Monday, November 17, 2008

Not a good day...

Last week while I was out, there was word that my company laid off about 200 people (times are tough) and that there were about 16 from my department. I did not know who was laid off. When I went into work today, I messaged a co-worker and asked her if she knew. She said, "you haven't heard?" No. Our entire testing staff had been let go, some with over 15 years with the company. She was one of them. She asked me what my title was. I told her. She asked me if I had gotten an email about a mandatory meeting. I told her no. We thought I was safe. About an hour later I found out my boss was coming to town. I immediately felt like I couldn't breathe. See, I have been with the company 11 years. We have never had lay offs until last year. The economy has taken its toll and the company is doing what it can to continue to make money. I thought our department was safe considering we have been so shorthanded. Hell, I worked 95 hours in one week a couple of weeks ago and 70 something the following week. I had IM'd my boss earlier in the day and he responded and at that time I asked him, "do we have anything to be concerned about with you coming here today". His response, "no". Phew! I felt better. I told him, "Good, because I was wondering if I would have to pack up my desk today".

Around 2p today, he calls me into the office and another man is in there from HR. Oh shit, this isn't good. Ok, well I think maybe we just have to re-apply for our jobs. My boss' boss is on the phone from home office. He starts reading the "script". Times are tough..blah blah blah. I tune out...this decision is hard for us but...blah blah blah and then WHAM...."your last day will be November 26th". I have kept my composure so far but it's waning. I have been here 11 years. I have put my blood, sweat and tears into this place...literally. HR man, whom I know, goes over "the package" and asks if I have any questions. No. He leaves. I tell my boss that he lied to me. I asked him if I should be concerned and he told me no. He said, no you asked if we had any concerns. He said he know it was symantecs but he couldn't tell me over IM. My old boss, who is my friend also knew but couldn't tell me because that would have risked her job and she felt like a heel not being able to tell me. A friend of mine that left the company knew and didn't tell me. I was totally in the dark. It was very hard for my boss to do. We go back 11 years. He has been there for me through a lot in my life. He had tears in his eyes. He didn't want to let me go but didn't have a choice. All of the managers were given a list of positions to eliminate and I just happened to occupy one of them.

So, as of next Wednesday I am jobless. I am a bit scared and worried about it. What if I don't find a job? I have already started to look and will be updating my resume tomorrow. Hopefully, in the end this will be a blessing in disguise. It's sad. It's the end of an era. I'm sad.

I did go to the gym to try to get away from reality for a bit and did ask them about reduced rates. The Y doesn't turn anyone away because of money because I would like to keep my membership so I have that to fill out. Plans for this weekend....drink!

Time to buckle down...

Good morning! I had to go back to work this morning, bleh! My scale has not been good to me the past two weeks. It is time to buckle down a bit more. I am back to 273..yikes! I don't understand it! This past week I have been on vacation and pretty much ate NOTHING from Thursday on. Don't ask why, you won't understand unless you are a computer gamer. However, on the same note, I also didn't drink much of anything and sat on my ass for most of that time. I'm hoping that this is a temporary gain and next Monday I can report that all of that is gone plus more. I saw that 269 very briefly and need to see it again.

Despite my scale's dislike for me, I am determined to make it move in the direction I want. This week's goal is to eat more veggies and fruits. I have to confess I have been slacking off in that department. I have also been slacking off in the water department.

So I will update my weight on the blog even though I really, really don't want to. Damn scale!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Guess who I met today...

Well guys, again I fail you. I won't be able to do the updates until Monday when I am back in the office because that's where my spreadsheets are so please forgive me, yet again.

Guess what I did today? Give up? I met our fabulous Diana, Scale Junkie. We don't live far from each other but we have had a hard time getting together because our schedules are always conflicting but we were finally able to make some time.

If any of you ever get the chance to meet her, you should. She is a beautiful person. We talked for a few hours about everything. Blogging, our struggles with weight, my struggles with men (she already seems to have the perfect man), work which has its own ironic twist. We apparently worked at the same company at the same time many years ago and never knew it. How weird is that? We even know some of the same people. I hope to get to know Diana better. It was extremely easy talking to her and like she said on her blog it was as if we had known each other a long time and just haven't seen in awhile. I had a great time with her just sitting and chatting the time just got away from us. It truly was a pleasure meeting her and I hope that we spend more time together.

Oh, and Diana no luck at Lowe's ...darn :).

Monday, November 10, 2008


    We are getting close to the end of the year and many of us started on our "journeys" at the beginning of the year. Of course, it doesn't matter when we started on our lifestyle change. Many of us are not where we want to be, or where we thought we would be. I am no where near where I thought I could be. I have hit numerous bumps in the road, some self inflicted. I wanted to focus on the positive, though. We tend to always focus on what we are doing wrong. We tend to focus on the numbers on the scale, myself included. I am a slave to my scale but I have come to terms with it. We have an agreement. Regardless of what it says, I will not get discouraged. So, my post today is about how far I have come...the things I have learned, the things that I have overcome and how I have grown (mentally) throughout this process.
  1. I have learned that I don't always have to be perfect, that one bad day doesn't need to equal a bad week. This is probably number one for me! In the past (and I know I have wrote about it before) if I had a bad day, I would throw the towel in for the week and then the cycle would start all over again.
  2. I have learned that I don't have to make the best choice all the time. I fight with myself about what I am going to order in a restaurant and I may not always make the best choice but I no longer make the worst choice.
  3. I have learned that exercise classes can be fun.
  4. I have learned that losing just 20lbs can increase my self confidence dramatically.
  5. I have learned that losing even .2 in a week is better than nothing.
  6. I have learned that not all yogurts are nasty :).
  7. I have learned that blogging my experiences on a daily basis or almost daily basis has helped me stay accountable. The support given here has helped immensely, whether they are thatta girls or kick in the arses, they are appreciated.
  8. Today, is my 7 week anniversary of belly dancing classes which means it is also my 7 week anniversary of going to the gym consistently for classes. This is another huge accomplishment for me and a first for me. It's the first time I have stuck with the gym this long consecutively! I did miss my cardio salsa class last night but did go to the gym in lieu of it. I think I might be on my way to being a gym rat. What are the odds?!

So, as I continue down this path to a thinner, sexier self (oh, and healthier..see where my priorities lie?) I want to thank all of you for being there. I am excited about my end goal and want to hurry to get there but I know it's going to take more time and a lot of effort but I am ready and for once in my life I have what it takes. I wish I knew what changed this time for me.

Maximize your Metabolism

I haven't had much to report lately. I am just plugging along and still working crazy hours so I haven't even had a chance to come visit any of you. This morning I found an article on how to maximize your metabolism. This article was out of Parade by Sara Reistad-Long(have to give credit, ya know). Some of the tips are things that we really already know but we don't necessarily follow consistently.

1. Choose foods wisely. Some foods block the metabolic process, others facilitate it. Sugar and carbs spike your insulin levels. Since your muscles can take in only so much energy at a time, most of what you have eaten will be stored as fat. One reason that alcohol can cause weight gain is that the body processes it first, which slows down fat burning. Rest also plays a role here. When your body is sleep deprived, it produces mass quantities of grehlin, the hunger hormone, driving you to crave more sugar and more carbs. One way to modify the insulin response is to eat more fiber. Fiber can slow the entrance of glucose into the bloodstream.

Hmm, guess that would be why the scale looks worse after my drinking this weekend then before...hehe. Not giving my official weigh in until tomorrow.

2. Pace your meals according to your body's natural rhythm. Having a good breakfast is critical. Fuel that meal with protein (think yogurt and eggs) and not only will you stay full longer- protein takes 25% more time to digest than other foods - but you'll also increase post-meal calorie burn by as much as 35%. Then, since you are most active at midday, make lunch your biggest meal

3. Train in intervals, and focus on building muscle. Researchers found that short, intense bursts of exercise resulted in considerably more fat loss than sustained activity. When you exercise this way, your mitochondria, the little engines in your cells that burn calories, run hotter all day. Strength training also very important. Muscles are your biggest metabolic engine. The more of them you build, the more calories will be directed to keeping them strong.

4. Fight inflammation. Experts are starting to point to inflammation as an influence on metabolism. Inflammation is simply the body's immune response, activated during illness, allergic reaction or when too much glucose, fat or carbs enter the system. Then the inflammatory response switches on, a group of receptors located on the fat and liver cells activate and start redirecting energy toward storage, rather than use. Until the body determines the "crisis" is over, the metabolism will slow down and more calories will go to fat cells.

Interesting. Inflammation is my major symptom with my Lupus. Just another reason to keep my stress levels to a minimum and to get enough sleep.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Challenge Update..it's coming

Challenge Updates are done! You have to check out the exercise challenge and where we went!

I'm working on the challenge updates so don't fret :P. I haven't totally slacked off! I am going to post my weight even though I don't want to. My weigh in for the week was 217.2 *sigh. A small gain...It's all TOM's fault!! I hate him. He's a #*%(&%! At least Bitchy is napping right now. Shhh, don't wake her. I'm sure she will awaken later today. Luckily, she was still sleeping when I was standing in line for an hour and half at the voting polls this morning while all the retirees (who have nothing better to do all day) clogged up the lines.

Last night was another night I did not want to go to the gym but I did. I went to my class and we had a sub. I didn't like her but it was probably the first time teaching the class. She did ok, but just wouldn't have been my cup of tea. In fact, if she does the class again I probably won't go back. I still got a pretty good work out, out of it but it wasn't nearly as fun as it is with the normal instructor. My back is kind of bothering me this morning too. Belly dancing should help that tonight (or one hopes).

Oh, so yesterday there is a comment on my blog that says:
Oooh. I like the goal recaps. Smart. My name is Dawn Wellington and I love your site! I work for a company that invented a weight loss product (Mary Lou’s Weigh) that recently became available to the public. I wanted to see if I may send it to you (for free) for you to try and then post a review on your blog (if you want). Either way, I’d love your feedback on the product. I know you weigh-in and some people actually like knowing their weigh number - if you do, then this product isn’t for you. However, if you want to track your weight (know how much you've lost or gained) without knowing how much you weigh, then please read below for details. I look forward to hearing from you. About Mary Lou’s Weigh:Mary Lou’s Weigh (named after Mary Lou Retton, Olympic Gold Medalist) is a revolutionary new way for people to track their weight in a non-judgmental way. While Mary Lou’s Weigh resembles a bathroom scale, it’s entirely different -- it never tells you how much you actually weigh. The platform logs your weight and only tells you how much weight you’ve lost or gained. It keeps you aware of what’s working so you can respond before you gain, unlike the “pants method” (track your weight loss or gain by how your pants fit). Mary Lou’s Weigh helps keep your eye on a positive goal. It gives you proven, actionable advice each day and it’s easy to use. The Mary Lou’s Weigh Platform motivates and guides you through an achievable 10-pound weight loss with audible feedback (yes, that’s Mary Lou Retton talking to you), including music, applause, fun electronic tones, helpful health tips, positive reinforcement and daily messages of encouragement. After the 10-pound goal is achieved, the Platform resets automatically so you can either maintain your weight, or go for another 10 pounds.For more information, go to www.marylousweigh.com. Thanks! -Dawn

Now, that all sounds great and I would love to give it a try and give it my review if it was given to me. There is no contact information. Was this just a ploy to get me to the site or was this a legitimate post? Thoughts?

Monday, November 3, 2008

It's Monday again?

Good morning! I don't have my weigh in this morning. I don't have it on purpose. Last week was not a good week. I was not prepared for the long hours at work, which meant I wasn't prepared for meals, which meant I was not eating what I should have been eating, which means it was not a good weigh in this morning and I refuse to accept it. On top of it, Tom is coming and he is bringing Bitchy and Bloaty with him. Normally, he doesn't bring Bitchy with him. It's usually Depressed that he brings, but it's definitely Bitchy this time and Depressed is in hot pursuit. Oh boy, I just love being a female! I can control Bitchy, I think...but I can tell that she is there. The littlest thing will just #*(%&#*& aggravate me. See, there she is!

I did spend an hour at Zumba yesterday, my first time for an entire class. I thought I was going to need to be hauled off in body bag afterwards. I had my hair up in a ponytail. After the class, I had reached up to pull the scrunchie out and my hair was dripping with sweat. I couldn't believe how soaked I was. Bleh...but that's how I gauge my workouts. The more I sweat, I equate that to a better workout.

I will be updating my weight tomorrow *sigh. I promise I will also update the exercise challenge tomorrow seeing as I was such a slacker last week :).

October Goals Recap
I did ok with my October goals, at least better than I have in previous months. How did you do on yours?

1. Try Cardio Salsa class. DONE
2. Try Cardio Sculpt class. Last Thursday was going to go, but had to work late AGAIN.
3. Try Dance Sculpt class. Never made it.
4. Try Kickboxing. Never made it.
5. Try Zumba. DONE
6. Try the Line Dancing class. DONE
7. Journal/count points everyday! 27 days out of 31