Monday, December 29, 2008

It's my new year

This is just a quick post to let everyone know that I am still alive. Things have been a little rough on my end but I have declared today the start of my new year. I am not waiting for the 1st of the year. Today is Monday, it's the start of a new week, Christmas is over and it's time to get back to where I was.

Short recap on happenings in my life. I have gained a few pounds. I am at 274 this morning *cry. My step father had to be taken back to the hospital and was told that if he doesn't change things he won't live another 6 months. He is permanently on oxygen. I went to help my mother with things because she ended up with a really bad chest cold and I ended up hurting my back so there hasn't been any exercise for two weeks. I am still hurting. I did go to the gym today and walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes but I could feel it so I didn't push it. Last week was the first week I missed my belly dancing class and I hated it!!!

I am still looking for a job and still nothing but I have a lot of leads to check out today so am crossing my fingers.

Things with A are moving along nicely. I adore that man!

Oh, and I decided that I am going to try the Eat for Life the best that I can. I will continue to count points just because I like the accountability of what is going in my mouth.

So, there's my last couple of weeks in a nutshell. I hope everyone is doing well and had a Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate. I hope things settle down in the future so I can come visit all of you and see what's happening in your world. If you are visiting me, comment and let me know that all is well in your world.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Self Inflicted Kick in the Ass

I have semi-fallen off the wagon. Pull me back! :P

It seems I am busier being unemployed then when I was. How can that even be possible? It could be because I spend almost 10 hours a day looking for a job. It's exhausting. I have been neglecting all my blog comrades and that I apologize. I hope you all are doing well, I haven't forgotten you!!!!

My step-father is still in the hospital but seems to be getting better. He will never be better but at least we aren't worrying about the "do not resuscitate" papers at this point.

I got my Eat for Life book and quite frankly I don't think I can eat like that. This may sound like a cop out and that I don't want to put in the effort but I truly think that I would be setting myself up for a huge failure by following everything in that book. Now, not that I don't think it doesn't have valid points it does. I have gained some valuable insight and I am going to incorporate more of it into my daily routine (oh wait, what routine?). I don't eat enough veggies and fruits. I am guilty! That's where I need to start. Baby steps! Cutting out all animal and dairy products is just not a likeable option for me at this point. I have been horrible with journaling lately. Basically, I have been horrible with everything. I haven't been eating. I forget to. So frequently, I am having one meal a day and some days it is healthy and some days it is not so healthy. I need to get myself into a routine again. I went to the grocery store yesterday and bought a bunch of fruit and veggies and that will be the majority of my meals so I don't have any excuse. I need to give myself a kick in the ass!!! I have been doing good and I don't want to undo everything that I have done.

On a side note...for those of you that may still be curious about the status of A. He is doing well and things are still moving slowly but in the right direction. He thinks I should be beating men off with a stick (yeah, ok..that has never been a problem) so I asked him why he thought that and his response was...

Cause a beautiful, witty, smart, hilarious woman thats also sweet, sexy and romantic should have a line of guys out the door, it just seems strange that you wouldn't have suiters all over the place.

This man....oh my, what can I say...I can't even begin to tell you how many wonderful qualities this man has. He has let me in to the deepest parts of his soul in recent weeks and this man has a beautiful mind and soul and whether or not anything materializes from this online "connection", I am very lucky that he came into my life. He gives me the motivation to continue to improve myself, he keeps me positive, he makes me smile even when I don't want to...I could go on and on but I will save you all the mush :).

Monday, December 15, 2008

Cops, EMS, Christmas....SIGH

Just a quick entry to let you guys know I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth. It seems I have less time now being unemployed then when I was. Strange! Probably because I am spending all my time looking for a job and doing all the things that have been neglected forever. Last week was not a good week for my goals. I neglected the gym, as well. I only made it one day. I did order the Eat to Live book and want to give it a try. I would love to get feedback from any of you if any of you have tried it!

Things are getting stressful. I am sending out resume after resume with out any luck. I know it's close to the holidays so am hoping that's the reason I haven't heard anything. I found a job today that I am perfect for, let's hope they feel the same!

Yesterday, I woke up to a cop knocking on my door. I answered the door and she said, "I suppose you're wondering why I am here". As a matter of fact! She tells me that someone was concerned about me because they hadn't heard from me in about a week. They had called the police department and explained that I had lost my job and that I might be a bit depressed and it's not normal to not hear from me. She had to go back to her car to find out the name. While she was walking back to her, I couldn't think of anyone that I hadn't talked to. She came back and it was my mother that had called. I had talked to my mother a couple days prior. Sigh. However, my mother had called the night before and said that she had sent some pictures and I didn't call her back. I didn't realize it warranted a return call. The cop called my mother and said that I was fine. After she left, I called my mother and told her I was fine and that I wasn't going to do anything stupid. So, I guess at 37 years old I need to check in every couple of days so my mother doesn't worry about me. She wants a list of my friends and their phone numbers so in the event she can't get in touch with me she can call them to make sure I'm ok. I understand, but damn!

Then this morning, she messages me. My step father was taken back to the hospital by EMS. She was told by the hospital to find his DNR papers. He had emphysema and had a recent stay in the hospital because he continued to smoke (and hide it but not very well, we all knew). He said after the last stay he would never smoke again. The doctor told him at that time it was like putting gasoline on a raging fire. Well, not long after that hospital visit, he was pouring gasoline on the fire. I talked to my mom a little bit ago and I guess he is doing ok but I imagine he will be on oxygen full time now and if he wants to smoke he will have to unhook himself. *sigh.

I can't believe it's only 10 days before Christmas. I am so NOT into the Christmas spirit this year. It doesn't even feel like Christmas. Every one on my block has their houses decorated, except me. I don't even have a Christmas tree up in the house. I think I would be perfectly ok with just staying home alone this year.

I have to say if it wasn't for A, I probably would be slipping into a mild depression but right now he is my shining light.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Routine

Well, I didn't go to my belly dancing class Tuesday night but it's not my fault! My instructor called me and said she wasn't feeling well and was canceling. I could have gone to the gym anyway but I didn't. I did, however go yesterday and plan on going today so no kicks in the ass are needed :). In fact, my arms are a bit sore today. I've been working the flappys. You know what I'm talking about. I always thought my arms were ok until I went to belly dancing where we use our arms a lot and of course we are surrounded by mirrors. I was horrified to see that I had the flappys. The bit of fat under your arm that continues to wave hi when you have stopped waving hi. The ritual when I go to the gym is to always use the flappy machine (gotta love my terminology) and the hip/thigh machines, you know the one that makes you feel like you should be at the gynocologist. That reminds me of my old gym I had belonged to with my ex-husband. They had that thigh machine placed in front of mirrors. Obviously, a man owned that gym. *sigh.
I ordered the Eat for Life book yesterday. I don't know if I can do it but I'm going to give it a shot. Anyone else try it? Thoughts? How did it go for you?

I really wish I could afford to hire a private trainer because I need someone to tell me what to do at the gym and how much of it. I need a routine that has been given to me. Anyone know of any free sites that give training routines or do you have a routine that has worked for you and want to share? I want routine and need it. I am less likely to skip days if I have a "real" routine.

Yesterday, Shanna gave me an award. Isn't she the sweetest? So I get to pass on the love. These things are always so hard to pass on too because everyone is deserving. Can I cheat and list everyone because really everyone is so deserving. Everyone of you has provided me support, encouragement and kicks in the ass when I needed it. All of you have provided motivation when I needed it most. So, you know what I am...to all of you that visit me and have posted your comments and provided me motivation in the past, this award is for you. I know this is probably cheating but I can't just select a few of you.
1. Please put the logo in your blog
2. Place a link from the person, from whom you received the award.
3. Nominate at least 7 or more
4. Put the links of those on your blog
5. Leave a message on their blog to let them know

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Gym, what gym?

I really don't have anything to report today. I was bad and didn't go to the gym yesterday, which means I missed my class that I really like. See this is what happens when something changes my routine! My whole schedule gets out of whack. Of course, I do have total control over this. I could have made myself get dressed yesterday and made myself get in the car to drive to the gym. Hell, I could have just even walked into the living room and put one of my Zumba DVDs in. Instead, I spent the day talking to A, not a total waste of time but my body isn't going to change for the better doing that (my ass might get wider..YIKES).

I am going to the gym tonight though so I don't need any kicks in the ass. :)

I was asked yesterday if I knew about the new WW program. I have absolutely no clue. I received some emails from them about it but it didn't make much sense to me. I will have to go my online stuff and see if it gives me more info.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Journaling, Goals.........

Well my goals kind of went to the wayside the first week but I have a valid excuse. I had to horse sit for my parents. They were off taking baby horse to a show and to try to sell her. Although, I wasn't going to the gym everyday I was mucking stalls so that should count for something.

I have been really bad about journaling my points lately. I start off the week great but then something in my routine breaks (going to my mother's) and I stop counting. This must change. I need to stay accountable, that way if things are not going in the right direction I know it's not something that I am doing wrong.

I'm still job hunting *sigh. I hope I find something soon before the stress starts taking its toll. I guess the bright side of that is that I don't turn to food. In fact, I end up not eating which isn't good either.

I hope everyone is doing well and hope to get to visit you today. We will see how the job hunt goes.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Ughhh....

Well, my gung ho gym idea did not go well yesterday at all. I went to the Zumba class at 10a. My plan was to do some weights afterwards and get to my class at 6p. It didn't work out that way. I got very light-headed in the class and ended up with a migraine for the rest of the day. I don't know if it is because I didn't eat before I went, ended up dehydrated or if the hour long Zumba class is still just a bit much for me. Everytime I have gone to Zumba, I have ended up with a headache so that's not really a good sign. I might have to stick with the 30 minute classes for awhile *sigh and do the Zumba at home.

Anyone have any thoughts on why I would get headaches? I'm at a loss.

Monday, December 1, 2008

It's a new day!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

Today is the start of a new day, new week, new chapter in my life. The good news today is I am back down to the 260s...yay! 269.4 to be exact! Two pounds lost this week. Yay, me!

Here's my plan. In between the job hunting and hopefully interviews, the gym is going to be my job. I am going to get up every morning and I am going to the gym whether it be for a class or to do cardio and weights. I don't have an excuse. My goal, even though it might be pushing it is to be under 250 by the first of the new year. I know I have to work really, really hard especially when my body always fights me but I am up for the challenge. Let the gym rat stage of my life commence!

As for A, aka 6 pack, things are progressing. I don't want to go into too much detail here but he really opened up to me about his fears and how he feels this past weekend. The egg has hatched...now he just has to have the courage to take flight :).